so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
