A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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