Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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