Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
