you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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