Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
