That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
