dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
