That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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