so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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