I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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