so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize