if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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