you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
