Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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