well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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