U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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