If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
