the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
