God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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