am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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