I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
