I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
