naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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