The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
