How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
