u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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