There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
