I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
