How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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