That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
