cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
