he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
