Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize