josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
