dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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