I'm so fucking centered right now
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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