if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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