does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
