Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
