definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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