and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
accomplished twins. life is a go
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
