im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
