I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well most of my day revolves around power hour
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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