Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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