So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
