Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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