I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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