yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
