there's paper in my vomit.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
