i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
