I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Randomize
