You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
