Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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