Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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