K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That's intense
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
