That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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