...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i dont even know how to be here
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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