dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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