the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
two words...techno handjob
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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