Those balls look pretty dangerous.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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