I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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