you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
