Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
