WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
