He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
