You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
