That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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