Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
