i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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