you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
