so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
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Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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