I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
